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Glimpses of Something Greater

A few months ago, I woke up and asked myself, “Why do I wake up in the mornings?”

I know it’s a cliché question, but I really had to reflect.  I thought, I wake up to seek the attention and approval of others, because I was never affirmed by my parents. Or, I wake up to the idea of finding a female companion who might understand me.  

I remembered hearing that a life in Christ should have purpose and fulfillment.  Yet there I was, having tasted and seen that the Lord is good, but still wanting to sleep rather than be awake.

It led me to ask, what will make me jump out of bed every day for eternity? There must be something tangible; it’s not going to be just arbitrary bliss and harps on clouds - that sounds pretty boring to me.

And if I only knew what that was, then I could have it today, because Jesus said, the kingdom of heaven is at hand. He said that the life, the joy, the experience of heaven is available now. So what was I missing?

And the answer came, and it came more surely than ever before.

 “And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.” John 17:3.

This word know is analogous to the Hebrew word, yadda, which is not merely some conceptual knowledge. It is intimate knowledge and is used in reference to intimacy between a man and a woman.

I realized, the reason I woke up to seek the approval and affirmation of my friends and respected elders was because I didn’t know that God puts intrinsic value on me. Yes, I’ve heard that He cares about us, but I didn’t know it in my heart. I’ve known that God ‘loves me,’ but as my father on earth has always been distant, I thought God was distant as well. 

The reason I woke up to the prospect of a female companion who might understand me was because though I had a conceptual knowledge that God understands all that we go through, I didn’t understand that He understands ME. And because I didn’t truly know that for MYSELF, I sought it in someone else.

But no amount of attentions from girls, words of affirmation, good times, good conversations, sports, or anything else, could fill the longing in my heart for meaning.

There have been a few times in my past when I have caught glimpses of God, when I have seen God for who He is, not in any textbook fashion like words on a page, but appearing before me saying, “This is who I am, for you. I feel this way about YOU, Jeremy.” And those have been the times when I have been absolutely, purely, perfectly satisfied. I think back to last spring break when everything began. I think back to last fall semester when I saw Jesus weep, not only because of Mary and Martha’s unbelief, but because of mine as well. I think back to this past winter break when I felt absolutely paralyzed in sin, and Jesus told me, not just the paralyzed man, to rise, take up my bed, and walk.

What should wake me up every morning? The opportunity to get to know who God is, for me. A conceptual knowledge will lead to very little. But an intimate knowledge, that is fulfilling.  A relational knowledge means my purpose is found, my value is untouchable, and my heart is made whole.

I’ve caught glimpses, but I want to see more.

What’s exciting is this: when we begin to know God in an intimate way, to understand how we have value in him, or love, or understanding; when heaven comes around and we don’t have to struggle with anything; when knowledge of God is what brings happiness - we will never cease to grow happier. The more we know, the happier we become. Yet there can never be a point when we know almost everything about God, because God is infinite. Therefore happiness is everlasting.

“As through Jesus we enter into rest, heaven begins here. We respond to His invitation, Come, learn of Me, and in thus coming we begin the life eternal. Heaven is a ceaseless approaching to God through Christ. The longer we are in the heaven of bliss, the more and still more glory will be opened to us; and the more intense will be our happiness. As we walk with Jesus in this life, we may be filled with His love, satisfied with His presence. All that human nature can bear, we may receive here" (Desire of Ages p 185).

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Jeremy Lee is a Biology major at Andrews University.