Marrying at an Older Age: A Random Commentary
previously published in September 2004
There she is on the couch in her pajamas with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s watching Frasier, alone. This is the first time we meet Bridget Jones, merely a fictional character who perhaps epitomizes the plethora of single women in their thirties. I am familiar with watching Frasier by myself with a comfort snack, yet didn’t realize that it was such a taboo activity. What was the propaganda behind this cinematic display? Perhaps, this opening scene was supposed to illicit pity from those watching. Compare this with the end when she finds her love, Mark Darcy. The audience sighs with relief; with warm and fuzzy feelings of she’s going to be all right after all and about time! The statement has been made. The before and after has been painted clearly: unhappy single, happy married.
Why the stigma about single women (less so with men) in their thirties and older? The thought that women should be married by their thirties is not isolated in any particular culture. There are studies being done in Africa, Asia, Europe, and the Americas which in and of itself reveals that it’s a world-wide phenomenon, almost like a pandemic. Entertainment, as noted above, draws millions to the ever-prevalent issue. Even women in Sex in the City, portraying successful, independent, professional lives, surviving in a dog-eat-dog world in Manhattan, ultimately search for their life-long love (except Samantha). Seems as though even TV characters are created to substantiate and patronize our stigmatized single status.
Are societal relationships truly evolving? According to Population Reports published by the Population Information Program at The Johns Hopkins School of Public Health, the median age at marriage is rising in nearly all regions. The report summarized that substantially smaller percentages of women marry before age 20 than in previous generations. This is more prevalent in urban versus rural areas, and more in developed countries. One factor noted in the report was education, which is more available in developed countries. For example, women in Latin America who delayed marriage until after age 20 were two or three times more likely to have completed seven years of school than those who married earlier. This association was also evident in Asia and the Near East. Overall, both childbearing, as well as marriage, were delayed among those with more formal education, than their peers with little or no schooling.
Therefore, there are more and will be more Bridget Joneses in the world. What does it mean for those of us who are branded by this categorical stamp? Obviously, the trend will have multifarious affects depending on the person, but I find no reason for negativity, especially for the modern Christian woman. Whatever the reason for our single status, I envision the only time line for our lives, personal and professional, to be God’s time line for us. God has kindly and graciously given us a choice. Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. He promises us guidance and success when we commit our lives to Him and in this, we can be reassured, married or not married. By this we are confident and have peace. A life in pursuit of God leaves no room for us to sit around and watch Frasier and belittle ourselves in self-pity, even if we wanted to. I strongly believe in family and marriage, but I also trust that the Lord will determine our steps. It’s our individual duty to be at peace with Him despite societal pressures. Easier said than done, right? That’s where faith can reveal itself and prove true through our lives. He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them His way. In this we trust.
Ironically, it has been said that it is from the marriage hour that many men and women date their success or failure in this life, and their hope of the future life. The danger is not in the single life but in the unhappy marriage. So there it is, we’re marrying at older ages and it’s okay. Maybe we can break the stigma together as we continue to encourage each other with love in Christ. Bridget Joneses of the world unite, be ye content and happy for good things to come!
Jennifer Kim works as a Physician Assistant.