A Change of Perspective
There are three public high schools within a one-mile radius from the neighborhoods with the highest homicide rate in LA County. In the past two years I have had the honor and privilege of working on two of those campuses. My first year of teaching was at Pathways Community School colocated on Dymally High School campus. The charter school was shut down after that year and so I got another job teaching 9th grade biology at Augustus Hawkins High School.
The first day of orientation of my first year I sat next to the assistant principal during lunch. As we talked, he looks at me, assesses how sheltered my upbringing was and says, "Welcome to the 'hood." We both laughed. It seems so weird that someone like me should be working in that part of town. For a very significant part of my life I was raised in communities that believed it was a sin for women to wear pants, that eating cheese was a sign of rebelling against a healthy lifestyle, that listening to music with syncopation was allowing the devil into your life, and the list can go on.
I was raised to believe that a mother’s place was in the home. I never judged anyone else for following differently because I knew that everyone was different, but for me, that was the plan. For years I psyched myself into being happy to be a stay-at-home mom. Aren't all godly mothers stay-at-home moms? Due to financial, emotional, and practical reasons, I ventured out into the working world finally seeing and accepting God's hand in leading me out of the house. I would never have chosen to work "in the 'hood" but that was the first place that gave me a job.
As I worked I was in for a culture shock. I could handle a lot of things, but the main culture shock was that students would not value their education and value people who were working for them. I could handle the sex talks, the relationship talks, the cussing, the traumatic experiences that students were going through in that community. Those conversations were why I wanted to be a high school teacher in the first place. I was shocked that students could treat me with the incredible disrespect that no one should be treated with and turn around and ask for a piece of candy from me or for food and fully expect me to give it. If I didn’t give it to them, they said I was being unfair. My first year I bought snacks for students and hoped that my kindness would soften some of their hearts so they would be able to achieve their dreams. To think how naive I was and sometimes still am. They are going to need a lot more than just a snack.
There are a lot of stereotypes you might have about inner-city kids through movies and the media and honestly, much of it is true. Just today I saw one of my students SCREAMING expletives at an administrator in the school outdoor courtyard. I honestly don't know how she could talk afterwards. My throat almost started hurting just listening to her scream like that for that long. But honestly, that was the first time I had witnessed it. It probably happens a lot though. I understand some of the frustrations that authorities would have in these communities after working as a teacher for two years.
But I also heard the stories of my students. One of my students was walking to pick up his little brother and sister from their school. He passed by some cops. They told him to put his hands up against the gate and they did a body pat down on him. He told them he was only 15 and was on his way to pick up his brother and sister. They let him go after telling him that he looked like a criminal. Another student was at a gas station when a drive by shooting happened and the bullet went through the car and struck her little sister in the carseat. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time. The stories can go on.
My main point is that we are often caught up in a binary way of thinking. This is right or it is wrong. It is one way or another. These people are bad or good. The public education system is failing or it's thriving. You are saved or you are not. You are a missionary or a mission field. And the list goes on. But what if we are all those things? What if we are thriving and yet still suffocating? What if we are missionaries and a mission field? What if we are right and yet, still wrong? Seeing the effects of generations of institutionalized racism and sexism has taught me how complex humans and humanity are. That same student who was screaming at an administrator today almost cried when she said goodbye to me an hour and a half later. It was weird. She transferred into my class only a couple months ago. Humans are complex and even more complex when dealing with racism, gun violence, sexism and the list goes on. Two years of working in inner-city schools has opened my eyes to perspectives I had only read about or watched on TV. They gave faces to these stories and the complexities of societies built upon exploiting the weak. It also showed me how inadequate my religion is in dealing with real issues faced by children of poverty and violence. It showed me how almost always, religion is at the root of all these issues as well. That’s for another time...
One thing I loved about working in the public sector is that for the first time it wasn’t about me and yet it was about me. It wasn’t about me because there was nothing I could do to help these students on my own. I saw how a system had broken them down and how a system needed to be in place for them to be built back up. It was the most empowering feeling to work with a group of people who were all working to build up the youth of South Central LA. We all had differing perspectives on how to do it, but we were all there nonetheless.
I loved working with people with different perspectives. My whole life I was raised to constantly be aware and ready to tell others about Jesus and convince them that they needed Him as their Savior. I guess I still have that belief somewhat, but it was nice to go to work and sit with my atheist colleague and have the most stimulating conversations about history, social justice, and women empowerment and not feel the need to try to “convert” him. It was nice to see how he was as a teacher and try to model him and his approach and even tell him about how I loved the way he stood up for the LGBTQ community. It was nice to not have to worry about being a model pastor’s wife or how I would make my husband look and just to be myself and say what I wanted to say, how I wanted to say it, and not worry about repercussions to my husband’s job. And I guess the more I was with people who were different from me, the more I valued those from all walks of life even if it went against what I was raised to believe. It made me ask questions about the way I was raised and I became a much more critical and objective thinker.
As I began to just let myself be who I really wanted to be I liked myself so much more than who I was supposed to be. I had never felt more empowered to be someone and do something for the greater good. Yes, I probably wouldn’t be recognized for it for I am but a tiny minnow in the big ocean of social activism, but I am still playing my part in the ecosystem. And it feels good.
And so, today (June 7, 2019) ends a second year of working in the inner-city. It may be my last as the 2.5-hour daily commute was wearing me down and I am on the job hunt for something a little closer to home. If I go back to work there it is because God REALLY wants me there. My husband has picked up so many responsibilities around the house, getting the kids fed and ready for school in the morning and doing all the usual domestic things while I am finding my identity. Don’t worry, I still cook dinner a few times a week. But the great mental change I have gone through would be more than stressful for the average husband, so I am so thankful for a man who has never tried to stop me from all the crazy thinking I have been doing over the last two years, but who has respected and supported my growth in ways that no other man could.
It is scary to go and mingle with people who are different with no motive but to be a friend. It is scary to allow yourself to question everything you believe about the Bible and society with a truly open mind. It is scary to get out of your comfort zone, out of your box. For me, I was shaken to my core and my identity, but have realized that one of the greatest desires that God has placed in my heart is to understand the perspectives of all humanity. The reason why there is so much division in this world is because of a lack of perspective or being willing to question our own. I hope you are willing to question yours.