Changing majors
I had always thought about it, especially last year. I struggled a lot, but ever since I declared my major as nursing earlier this year, I felt secure. I felt like I finally had ground, and since I wasn’t really sure what my passions were, it was easy to conform and think that nursing was what I wanted. So when doubts arose, I kept pushing the thoughts away because Korean society, including my parents, approved of nursing.
However, one evening I heard a seminar by Dr. Ruth Chung about our identities as Korean-Americans. I sat down and really thought about my interests and became truly honest with myself. This was difficult and uncomfortable, because I was content with conforming to nursing. I finally felt like I had a place, and now I was about to throw it all off by admitting to myself of my real motivations.
I took a piece of paper and wrote out my reasons for wanting to be a nurse. It’s definitely humbling to look at those motives that you secretly want to deny. I realized that the biggest reasons included stability or job security, approval from people around me, and practicality. Also, I finally admitted to myself that another big reason for me wanting to go into the nursing program was because it was a difficult program. For many years, I felt as though people thought I couldn’t do much, and I subconsciously wanted to prove them wrong by taking on a difficult task. Korean society values hard work. But am I living for the recognition of others?
This kind of led me into thinking about God’s will. Having developed a relationship with Him, and having pleaded for His will for my life, how could I shape out my future in my mind? If I already have plans, then where does God’s will fit in? I realized the hypocrisy in my prayers. The fact was, I was going into nursing for security. I’m so embarrassed to realize this because I did not completely put my trust in Him like I thought I was doing. I should not even have to worry about financial security if I know that God is leading me.
As a Korean-American Adventist, this was also when I realized that I have to be careful about picking a major and using God. As a nursing major, I reasoned to myself that I could be of practical use for ministering unto people, because the medical field is a great opportunity for witnessing. When I combined my two thoughts together, I realized that I did have good intentions, to help people, but who am I to restrict myself to that? Who is to say that God can’t use me in the business field, or the psychology field, and who is to say that God can use me more in the medical field? Is our God that confined? Is He not unlimited?
I keep mentioning the medical field not because I hate it or anything—most of my closest friends are in the medical field —but because it’s just so common in the Korean-American society. I just feel like it's dangerous to expect God to bless us just because we are preparing for a worthy field. We’re encouraged to pray for God to help us through our difficult classes, but if God were to look at our future, does He see us following Him when we’re finally successful? Or did we just use God? That’s why I feel like it’s so important to check myself now. Am I really convinced that this is God’s will? Or do I even dare to think that I know what’s best for me?
In terms of God’s will for my life, I honestly do not know for sure yet; however, God helped me to realize through all this that nursing is not for me. Nor is biology, chemistry, biochemistry, neurology…you get the point. For me, figuring out God’s will started with being really honest with myself and surrendering my own concerns about life. I used to be scared of knowing God’s will, but I came to ask, why should I be? If God and I are in constant communion, I will find joy in whatever He calls me to do, because He has my best interest in mind and so He has promised. Therefore, my priority should not be my grades or seeking worldly stability. Putting my grades as a priority is like telling myself that my future is in my hands. Seeking worldly stability just leaves less room for me to see how God will be the stability that I need.
The day I switched majors, I remember spotting several of my friends, who are Korean-American, in the cafeteria. I told them that I switched my major from Nursing to Dietetics and got mixed responses. One of my friends actually said that he likes nursing better. Following his response, another said, “Oh, but she’s pre-PA (Physician’s Assistant).” Being a Physician’s Assistant is a more “respectable position” in comparison to being a Dietician, so I felt as though she was making up for my major by mentioning my pre-PA emphasis. Her response made me think about the times my peers and I complained that the only fields our Korean parents knew were medicine and law. When my friend responded in this way, however, I realized: we’re just like them.
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Tatiana Kim is a Sophomore studying Nutrition at Andrews University and is originally from New Jersey.