From Doubt to Devotion: Ellen White’s Transformation
Many Adventists today have a complicated relationship with Ellen White. Some cherish her writings as inspired counsel from the Lord, but there are others who struggle with what they feel is a legalistic burden. And it’s hard to blame them, when Adventists have often cherry picked her strongest statements to enforce strict behavioral standards. When Ellen White quotes have been used like a hammer to beat them into submission, it’s no wonder so many young people avoid reading her books. And while there are other reasons as well, this misunderstanding about Ellen White being a strict legalist seems to be one of the biggest barriers for many people to appreciate her ministry.
But contrary to this perception, Ellen White’s main emphasis was always the paternal and tender love of God. This is clear to anyone who has read one of her books, although unfortunately many people have only had exposure to her writings through individual quotes, often taken out of context. One thing that helps us to understand Ellen White’s emphasis is her personal relationship with God and her conversion experience. She was raised in a devout Methodist family. She demonstrated sincere religious interest at a young age, but struggled with her inability to live up to the holy standard she desired to live by. It was by coming to understand the love of the Father that she finally overcame, and it became her mission to share that revelation ever after.
Ellen White’s personal conversion was a process, centering around three core experiences. The first occurred when she was only nine years old. An older girl threw a rock at her face, severely injuring her and leaving her bedridden and semi-conscious for about three weeks. It was unclear if she would survive. At one point, Ellen overheard some friends asking her mother if she had talked to her about death, and her neighbors offering to help get her a burial robe. Believing she was dying, she committed her life to Jesus. She later wrote, “I loved everyone and felt desirous that all should have their sins forgiven and love Jesus as I did.” (1T 11.2)
Ellen began to recover slowly, and attempted to go back to school. However, she suffered from dizzy spells and mental confusion, and had to give up her studies. It had been her dream to become a scholar, so this was a great trial for young Ellen. At times she blamed God for allowing this to happen to her. But she also felt incredibly guilty for feeling that way. She had read devotional books describing little girls who were perfect saints who never had a doubt or struggle, and she felt that she could never measure up. The peace of acceptance with God and the joy of forgiveness which she had initially were replaced with the fear of burning in eternal hellfire and the despair that she would never be able to change.
The next major step in Ellen’s conversion occurred at a camp meeting in 1841. The preacher spoke on the story of Esther approaching the king, and Ellen responded to the appeal to approach God’s throne of grace. The burden of her doubts about her salvation were lifted, and she again felt the joy of forgiveness. She later wrote: “Soon after this the camp meeting closed, and we started for home. My mind was full of the sermons, exhortations, and prayers we had heard. Everything in nature seemed changed. During the meeting, clouds and rain had prevailed a greater part of the time, and my feelings had been in harmony with the weather. Now the sun shone bright and clear, and flooded the earth with light and warmth. The trees and grass were a fresher green, the sky a deeper blue. The earth seemed to smile under the peace of God. So the rays of the Sun of Righteousness had penetrated the clouds and darkness of my mind, and dispelled its gloom. It seemed to me that every one must be at peace with God, and animated by His Spirit. Everything that my eyes rested upon seemed to have undergone a change. The trees were more beautiful, and the birds sang more sweetly than ever before; they seemed to be praising the Creator in their songs. I did not care to talk, for fear this happiness might pass away, and I should lose the precious evidence of Jesus’ love for me.” (LS 24.4) She was baptized after this experience.
Soon after Ellen’s baptism, a new minister came to her church who was strongly opposed to the Millerite message, and her family was expelled from the church. She also began to struggle once again with the feeling that she could not measure up to the standard of sanctification which she set for herself, and fell back into discouragement. This time, however, she opened up to her mother, who set up an appointment for her to speak with a young minister named Levi Stockman. He was deeply impressed with Ellen’s sincere desire to be right with God and to have a true Christian experience. With tears in his eyes he said, “Ellen, you are only a child. Yours is a most singular experience for one of your tender age. Jesus must be preparing you for some special work.”
Their conversation caused a pivotal perspective shift for Ellen, marking the third step in her conversion. Stockman opened her eyes to the love of the Father. “My views of the Father were changed. I now looked upon him as a kind and tender parent, rather than a stern tyrant compelling men to a blind obedience. My heart went out towards Him in a deep and fervent love. Obedience to His will seemed a joy; it was a pleasure to be in His service.” (1T 31.3) Her change in perspective led to a change in experience, and for six months after this, she did not neglect one known duty as a Christian. She began to share her testimony publicly, inspiring many others to commit their lives to Jesus. And for the rest of her life, the love of God continued to be her favorite theme and the core of her message.
“All the paternal love which has come down from generation to generation through the channel of human hearts, all the springs of tenderness which have opened in the souls of men, are but as a tiny rill to the boundless ocean when compared with the infinite, exhaustless love of God. Tongue cannot utter it; pen cannot portray it. You may meditate upon it every day of your life; you may search the Scriptures diligently in order to understand it; you may summon every power and capability that God has given you, in the endeavor to comprehend the love and compassion of the heavenly Father; and yet there is an infinity beyond. You may study that love for ages; yet you can never fully comprehend the length and the breadth, the depth and the height, of the love of God in giving His Son to die for the world. Eternity itself can never fully reveal it. Yet as we study the Bible and meditate upon the life of Christ and the plan of redemption, these great themes will open to our understanding more and more.” (5T 740.)
To anyone who has avoided reading Ellen White’s writings because of a harsh impression of her, I encourage you to read one of her books for yourself. Discover for yourself how powerfully she presents the gospel. As someone who grew up SDA and drifted away from God as a teenager, reading The Desire of Ages as a 20 year old changed my life. I’d never seen such a clear and beautiful picture of Jesus before. And since then, my life and my walk with God have continued to be greatly enriched by Ellen White’s writings. Give her a chance, and I’m sure you’ll be blessed.
(This article has been partially adapted from “Ellen G. White’s Conversion and Relationship with Jesus” by Dr. Merlin Burt)
Christian lives in Berrien Springs with his wife Esther and their son, Noah. He is currently working on his MDiv at Andrews and serving as a youth pastor at the Lombard SDA Fellowship.