God’s Ice Sculpture
Ever since I saw a skit on YouTube as a kid, titled “God’s Chisel,” I frequently ask God to chisel, mold, and shape me into who He wants me to be. Each time I reflect upon this prayer, I picture the giant, glistening block of ice waiting to be chiseled into a beautiful sculpture by the sculptor. In a tedious and time consuming process, the artist strikes the ice with his tools, carving away tiny bits and pieces until the sculpture is finished. I often picture myself as the block of ice, with God as the sculptor. In my case however, instead of an easy, smooth, and geometrically shaped block of ice that sculptors tend to start with, my ice block is jagged, rough, and ugly—making the sculpting process longer and more difficult to chip into shape.
I never truly understood the weight and significance of what it meant to be chiseled by God, until I was an adult. After many years of hardship and strife, I realized that the chiseling process is not fun at all. As a matter of fact—it’s quite painful, and many times I've asked God to stop.
I share the following struggles not to bring attention or pity to myself, but to give the reader a framework for the type of work God has done in my life. When I was 14, I lost my younger brother to cancer. After his death, the enemy seemed to throw one curveball after another, and I began to fall into a deep, dark hole—particularly in my college years. I dove headfirst into a lifestyle of heavy partying and substance use, plagued with financial irresponsibility, poor decision making, and a ‘YOLO’ mentality that continued to push me further and further into that hole. I watched as my entire life swung upside down within the course of a few years. I became lost, lonely, and often judged by many that saw my piercings, tattoos, and crazy lifestyle. Many more curve balls were thrown my way in ensuing years, and I could have ended up dead, in a few instances. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, I was running from who I was, and attempting to cover up the mountain of pain I had buried and harbored so deep inside for so long. The mental and emotional trauma formed many rough edges around my block of ice, and hardened me from the inside out. The innocent and sweet young boy that once thought he could conquer the world ,was buried deep inside of a heart full of anger, confusion, and pain. There were many scary nights when all I could do was cry and curse God for allowing these things to happen to me. I rationalized my poor, stupid decisions by blaming God, rather than owning up to my actions. Looking back, this was unfair to God and foolish of me to do!
However, God never gave up on me, nor did his chisel cease to strike my life at the right times. As my paradigms began to shift, I was shocked to discover how I had subconsciously chose to focus on the hate and negativity inside of me, which gradually became all I saw in the world around me. I was confused, angry at God, and embodied a victim mentality, void of any joy in living (this is an easy trap to fall into because negativity and bad things are all around us, and that’s all we will see if we choose to fixate on it). However, one humbling and life changing experience prompted me to shift my focus on the beauty, rather than the ugly. The Lord tooked favorably on me, and lifted the dark curtains from my eyes so that I could see the countless blessings and wonderful people I had been so blind to and taken for granted most of my life. It is without question that these blessings outnumber the bad things on any given day, and I praise God for that.
As I began to seek the Lord and get to know his character, I have come to the conclusion that God does NOT purposely make me endure unfair and unfortunate circumstances simply because He wants to teach me a lesson, or because he wants to punish me. I know for a fact that He loves and cares about me too much to purposely take the life of my brother, or to want to His child suffer through an unnecessary amount of pain. It is because He so deeply cares for us, wants to embrace us, and extend His healing hand in our lives that He speaks to us; revealing Himself in ways that are quiet and soft, yet crystal clear. When we understand this, we grow and adopt a better understanding of who God truly is, and this mindset is one of healing, rather than hatred, self-pity, and blame. Bad things have been happening in this world for quite some time, and they are good reminders that this is not my home, and that I have a place in Heaven one day. He is, and always will be there to pick me up, lead me from dark and stormy waters back to green pastures, and hold me up with His victorious right hand. He can make all bad things work for good, and he does that very well!
I am being chiseled quite intensely to this very day. However, I take pride in the fact that my experiences are unique, and make me the strong person I am today. My struggles and encounters with God have given me great empathy for others in all walks of life, and empower me to use my gifts and struggles to show God’s true character to others in similar circumstances. I am at peace with whatever happens, and will fear no evil because I have Christ in my heart. I will continue to trust that His sculpture will tell a story in the end that is beautiful, magnificent, and powerful.
Chris Won is from Berrien Springs, MI, 22 years old, and in his last semester of college. He is an only child, and has been born and raised an Adventist. He attended Andrews Academy, and have taken curriculum at 3 different universities (Michigan State University, Andrews University, Southern Adventist University), but am finally graduating in May with a BBA - Accounting. After graduation, he will be relocating to Minneapolis to work for UnitedHealth Group, which he is very excited for. In his free time, he enjoys staying fit by taking nature walks and exercising, making and playing music, and connecting/inspiring the younger generation of Korean SDA youth.