How do you make known to someone, that you’re not interested…
How do you make known to someone, that you’re not interested, but in such a way, that it won’t offend and make him leave the church?
27, F, NY
Many times, young people will come and go to church based on their feelings for someone. In fact, in some Korean SDA circles, the top two reasons for young people finding a local church are the potlucks and people of opposite gender. A good suggestion for youth leaders is to create a healthy environment for young single SDA's to fellowship and grow spiritually. This will allow for a positive spiritual environment that young SDA people may not find in other circles.
So back to our question: how do you let someone know you are not interested in them without hurting their feelings and resulting in that person leaving the church?
This situation depends on communication skills (how you express) and your current relationship with the person. Also, another factor is what type of person he is? Is he, the person who likes you, a tough and rough type of guy, or a very sensitive guy, whose feelings are easily hurt? Some people are very sensitive when it comes to relationship feelings and can become depressed and even suicidal. If your friend is like that, you must be very careful.
If someone is the rough and tough type of personality, and easy going, you can be direct and blunt; just say, "hey friend, you're a great guy, but I don't see us anything beyond that. Let's go get some fries." Your friend will be ok and get over the rejection pretty easily, maybe too quickly, and then you will feel unworthy because he has already moved on to someone else.
If the person who likes you is sensitive and emotional, then you need to be very careful. One option is to avoid the person. He will eventually realize that you are not reciprocating his feelings and give up. It is important to be indirect with him, because he will not be able to handle direct rejection. The more time you spend talking with him, working with him, will only increase his feelings for you.
If the person is seriously in love with you and is also the sensitive and emotional type, then I suggest you getting the help of someone who can support and counsel that person. Maybe a youth pastor or an older friend who is good at counseling. Gentle, indirect rejection is needed here. The person who likes you could be suicidal, but never show signs. Have the counselor or youth pastor work with the person frequently in prayer and support.
Remember to avoid long conversations over the phone or texting. Avoid one on one time with the person. Always be in groups with other friends. And always pray and reflect the character of Christ in all that you say and do!