I Will Give You Rest
Around this time last year, I was fortunate enough to attend the 10-day Depression Seminar at Weimar Institute, before covid lockdown. You may say, how can going to a depression program be fortunate? It is because it’s a program I would highly recommend to all, even to the self prescribed “normal.”
My initial intention was to attend as a chaperone to a family member. It was half price and you get to attend all of their jaw dropping, eye opening, heart convicting seminars; do their hydrotherapy, partake of their brain fortifying yummy meals, and participate in their exercise program and many other extracurricular activities. They had us busy from 5:30am to 9:00pm. Oh, and another fantastic part was getting to know, share, love and be loved by participants and staff. That was free. All this is good and well, but I am convinced, it was the prayers for the Holy Spirit offered each day, for each person by loving staff, friends and family, and even strangers, that truly brought healing to all.
As I was saying, I was planning to go as a sidekick but decided to take the one hour phone interview/screen for depression just to see. My depression score came out to borderline severe, higher than the person who I was chaperoning. Is LOL appropriate here? Long story short, I attended the full program.
When I arrived (flew in from Chicago to Sacremento), I was a bit apprehensive but also excited and hopeful for what layed ahead. I was going to spend the next 10 nights, 11 days with 24 strangers from all different walks of life, ranging from the ages of 16 to 85. The refreshing thing was, no one came with a pretense that they got it all together. We all knew why we were there and from day one, we laid ourselves bare. Once there, it didn’t take long to get close to one another as honesty, acceptance and compassion has a tendency to do that.
I quickly realized tho, that somehow I did not belong. As others started sharing their stories of abuse, drugs, suicidal ideations, and a myriad of emotional and mental struggles, I realized I did not have a story. These people were legit. I had no right to be depressed. This added on shame, on top of my depression (or whatever it really was I was going through). And yet, I had many of the same symptoms: apathy, lethargy, purposelessness, meaninglessness, lack of drive, sleep disturbances, lack of joy to name a few.
It was towards the last day where we were required to do a testimony that I really had to dig deep and figure out “my story.” I was stuck. But God didn’t take long to gently and with pity, inform me of my proud Laodicean being and of my sins. The fact is that for many years, I’ve had one foot in God and one foot in the world, and somehow was trying to make it work. One elder at my church calls it the worst angst. God who created us, has the flawless manual for human “peace that passes understanding” and “joy in full.” He also knows well the misery of less than full surrender. Perhaps this is why He says he would rather that we are cold—to relieve us of that lukewarm angst. He wishes for us to look honestly at ourselves, without pretenses.
Jesus says “Come unto me, all you who are weary, and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.” Matt 11:28. Sure this may include just our day to day stress, but when you read on, Jesus not only tells us how we are to obtain the rest He promises, but also shows why we are so heavy burdened in the first place. He says to “learn of me for I am meek and lowly in heart.”
I have spent thousands of dollars and the same number of hours on golf (regretfully). Now, did I do all that to just learn about golf? No, all that effort was to emulate a textbook swing, to copy exactly my coach’s perfect form. Ultimately, this is tied to pride too—to be the best and to look good doing it (best in my teeny tiny town that is).
How unimportant do we consider emulating Christ, that we put so little time “looking full into His wonderful face so that the things of earth can grow strangely dim”…so little effort in spending time in His word and inscribing it into our hearts, as this is simply the only way the Potter can mold the clay, ultimately to perfectly emulate Him. To follow His meekness and lowliness is what it means to learn of Him, not just about Him. He that is in heaven is greater than he that is in the world. Is that how 1 John 4:4 goes? How about He that is near you, or He that is available to you? No, John says, “He that is IN you is greater than he that is in the world.” Christ IN you, and IN me, is our only hope of glory Col 1:27. Therein lies the secret to “rest unto our souls.”
Hebrews 12 tells us to “throw off” everything that hinders us (NIV). This depiction reminded me of a book titled “His robe or mine” by Frank Phillips. To throw off my heavy, burdensome robe of pride, self righteousness, self sufficiency, and to allow Christ to put on us His robe of meekness and His righteousness which He promises to be light and a rest unto our souls. All along, it has been self exaltation, self efficacy and the pretense that we got it all together that is the heavy burden and not external factors. It’s not enough that God is our priority. It’s not enough that he is at the top of the to-do list. He is the list. Everything we do, we shall do in response to his incomprehensible love for us, in full surrender and for His glory.
Susan Yoon lives in Chicago with husband, Steve and two kids. She attends Lombard SDA church.