The Gift of Weakness
We are so obsessed with perfection and strength. Maybe it’s a human thing, but I’m convinced it is definitely an Asian, and certainly a Korean thing. It is hard for Koreans to share what is going wrong in their lives, unless it is in some warped competition of who can top someone else’s misery. On the one hand, we have harabuhjies who like to measure and compare one another’s’ scar sizes from war, while on the other hand, you have middle-aged moms proudly and very publically thanking God for all the accomplishments of their kids (which they helicoptered them into). You would rarely hear the private struggles of families behind closed doors, or reaching into their church community for help. And why wouldn’t they? Because it doesn’t feel safe to do so. Ironically, the Asian churches are the last place any suffering Asian Christian would turn to, to open up about struggles…
We don’t even know what to do if someone does share. Immediately, we try to come up with heady explanations, analysis, solutions, trying to cover up the initial judgments we feel; of them, ourselves, of the things it triggers in our own lives. Then their suffering becomes about us. We just don’t know how to sit, listen, feel, and BE with the suffering—as Jesus did.
But there is such profound healing, when there is authentic community borne out of mutual sharing of weakness and serving one another.
Henry Cloud says, “God created the tear ducts on our face (instead of a more private area like under the arm) for a reason—to be seen by others. For us to be able to look into one another’s eyes (and soul) and see the tears and be able to sympathize with one another’s suffering and sadness.”1 Isn’t that profound?
The 12 disciples spent so much time trying to be strong, thinking to take over the world with what they thought would be the perfect and strong kingdom. But it took a sense of powerlessness, of weakness and humility that enabled them to receive the Holy Spirit in the upper room. And out of that human weakness, came such beauty and unity as they leaned into God.
And isn’t that the case so often?
I had my ideas and agendas for what I was going to get accomplished this summer. I had some major projects in mind to do. And it would have been so good. Yet, God had other plans. He drove home the phrase “He makes me lie down in green pastures,” as I went into surgery rather suddenly and was laid up for a few weeks. Forget my projects, I had to make sure my daily bodily functions were in check post-op. Things I took for granted like eating, going to the bathroom, walking were all things I had to re-do slowly. I had to shelve independence and call on family and friends for prayer and support.
But in this state of dependence and weakness, God showed me some of the most beautiful aspects of Himself through people. It created opportunity for me to be ministered to in a way I otherwise would not have had the privilege of receiving. People prayed me through it, even in the waiting room; family came and stayed with me, friends dropped things off, visited, and emailed to check on me. Simple things, it seems, but so meaningful. And it left such an impression; I know it will cause a ripple. I now see a ministry need…
Our community should not stop at the physical ministry. When we mourn, when we are despondent—that’s when we can create authentic community.
I have shared in a previous article how when I shared my deepest heartbreak, believers came around with much prayer, laying on of hands, Scriptural promises, and acts of kindness that carried me, like the friends who carried the paralytic to Jesus. It is these communities, which carried me through my suffering.
Maybe it’s because I show weakness, that people feel comfortable enough to share; or maybe it’s because they know I am back in school to become a therapist, that people open up. But I have had both the pain and privilege to hear of many people’s struggles, especially in religious circles. The odd thing is that these people knew one another and had similar issues, yet none of them had the authentic community in one another, to share the pain with each other.
And being sworn to confidentiality, I could not refer them to each other. This made me sad.
There is division in the Church, about things that in God’s compassionate eyes do not matter. Having to be right, having the last say does not create the atmosphere of humility, weakness and yielding to the Spirit. In a “community” where people hang out so much, it’s sad that people don’t feel safe enough to open up and form an authentic community. Especially in a church—where the Bible tells us the early believers, humbly shared everything.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Psalm 23:2-3 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
God has been teaching me it is a gift to be weak. Because the only strength we are created for, is in need of and through Him. We were meant to be at-one with Him.
1 Henry Cloud’s sermon: http://mppc.org/sermons/tgim-boundaries-work