English Compass - bringing christian fellowship to korean americans

My God, Thy Gentleness Hath Conquered Me

It’s always great coming home for vacation and holidays because I finally get to see my parents and sisters. And something I always look forward to, is having my mom sleep next to me at night so I can hold and hug her tight. Not surprisingly, I was a needy baby and child, and watching old home videos make that fact very clear. You would see my sisters and cousins laughing, jumping, tackling, and playing with each other but the video would sweep over to me and I would be glued to my mom. I was attached to her like a little parasite, especially during bedtime. 

At night, my mom and I would lay down on the bed facing each other and I would take my small hand and rest it on her smooth and soft cheek. And she would patiently wait till I fell asleep before she took my hand off of her face.  As a toddler, I remember getting upset whenever I woke up and realized that my mom left me. So to prevent her from escaping, I schemed to glue my hand onto her cheek (thankfully I spared her and never tried this).  

Obviously, my mom was definitely someone I wanted to be around all the time and I still love being in her presence. She is so friendly, kind, patient, goofy, and just an amazing person and I believe people enjoy having her as a friend, too. I even remember my orthodontist telling me that my mom’s hugs were very healing and she brought life and hope to those around her. And as I get older, I see how my mom really uses her life to bless others. Specifically, I witnessed my mom become a channel of God’s love as she helped our neighbor through her last stage of life. 

Yuriko was a small Japanese grandma who lived across the street from us, and she was an amazing cook and baker! All her kids were grown up, so she lived by herself and I remember my mom would visit her often. They would share stories, drink tea, and cook together and I knew Yuriko appreciated my mom’s company. Every time I saw my mom come back from Yuriko’s house, she would have a huge smile and a deep joy in her spirit. 

Unfortunately, Yuriko had many chronic health issues that put her on a long list of medications, and she often asked my mom to drive her to doctor appointments. As each year went on, Yuriko got weaker and weaker and to comfort and encourage her, my mom would pray earnestly with her and they would sing hymns and gospel songs together. Her favorite was “Precious Lord Take My Hand.” Knowing my mom, I’m sure she shed tears with Yuriko as they sang the words:

“Precious Lord, take my hand
Lead me on, let me stand
I'm tired, I'm weak, I'm lone
Through the storm, through the night
Lead me on to the light
Take my hand precious Lord, lead me home”

It has been six years now since Yuriko passed away and my mom still misses her. But she is so grateful for the time she got to spend with her friend. When I asked my mom why she did this for Yuriko, and for others like Mrs. Kim, Mrs. Bae, Anny, etc. she said, “Because I want to be a real Christian.” So what does it mean to be a real Christian? My mom says, “To believe that God so loved me and you, that He gave up everything to save us.”  She truly believes in this amazing love. And she desires nothing less than to share this reality with others. 

When I think of my mom and her walk with God, the words to this beautiful hymn comes to my mind:

“Thy mighty love, O God, constraineth me,
As some strong tide it presseth on its way,
Seeking a channel in my self-bound soul,
Yearning to sweep all barriers away.

“Shall I not yield to that constraining power?
Shall I not say, O tide of love, flow in?
My God, Thy gentleness hath conquered me,
Life cannot be as it hath hither been.

Break through my nature, mighty, heavenly love,
Clear every avenue of thought and brain,
Flood my affections, purify my will,
Let nothing but Thine own pure life remain.

Thus wholly mastered and possessed by God,
Forth from my life, spontaneous and free,
Shall flow a stream of tenderness and grace,
Loving, because God loved, eternally.”

I am so happy my mom believes and serves such a self-less and amazing God. And I pray that she will continue to be that Christian whose life will flow with the streams of God’s tenderness and grace. 

Esther Chun is currently a Bible Worker at Westchester Korean SDA Church. She enjoys eating good food with family and friends, aspires to be a gardener, and loves to be out where there is beautiful scenery and nature.