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Stand Still and Behold the Salvation of the Lord

previously published in November 2004

“Hey, Pastor!” Someone was calling for a pastor behind me as I was walking toward the church. I did not pay attention thinking the person was looking for someone else. When the person called out several times, I finally realized the word “pastor” was referring to me. It took me quite awhile to get used being called as a pastor.

That’s how my ministry started. I was no way close to being qualified or comfortable as a pastor. Because of my incapabilities and lack of talents, I thought becoming a pastor was the last thing that God had in mind for me. I could go on and list all the reasons why I’m not fit for the job. I didn’t have what it takes to be a pastor. I’m a female to begin with. I’m a very shy person. I just hate speaking in front of people. I’m not gifted in language skills. especially in speaking. I’m not a Bible scholar. In fact, I have a lot to learn about the Bible. I was arguing with God telling him all the reasons why I was not the type of a person to be a pastor. While I was arguing with God, one Bible text came to my mind. “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you; I have appointed you a prophet to the nations.” Then I said, “Alas, Lord God! Behold, I do not know how to speak, because I am a youth.” But the Lord said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am a youth,’ Because everywhere I send you, you shall speak. “Do not be afraid of them, For I am with you to deliver you,” declares the Lord.” (Jer 1:5). The reasons that Jeremiah brings are somewhat similar to my reasons except that I was a woman.

I was not successful convincing God, but God convinced me. God was telling me that it’s not about what you know or what you have, but it’s about whom you know. God was telling me that His business is not run by great talents or skills but it’s run by grace. God is asking us to “stand still and behold the salvation of the Lord which He will accomplish for us today.”(Exodus 14:13). This is how grace works. Our job is to stand still and see the mighty works of God. It’s about knowing God and how we depend on Him. God has convinced me that we are all servants of God and He is going to use each one of us regardless of our genders. Since the day I started my ministry, I have witnessed the wonderful grace of God working through me. I’m confident enough to say that to work as God’s servant is the greatest joy and honor that humans can ever experience.

I’m glad that I’m the least of the least and I lack great talents because I have nothing to boost about except the grace of God and I would totally depend on God. I pray that throughout my ministry I would not forget where I came from and how God’s grace has led me. “I died with Christ, therefore it is no longer that I live but through Christ who lives in me.” My prayer is that I die everyday so that Christ can live in me and work through me in this youth ministry. Ever since I surrendered my will to God, He has been leading my life. I realized I was not the one who is doing the ministry but it was God working through me and reaching out to others through me. God has blessed my life and opened the door to many opportunities.

I cannot say my ministry has been all smooth from the beginning till now. I had ups and downs, and faced difficult times but I realized that the more I try to accomplish something or change lives through my own efforts, the more I was helpless and frustrated. Then, I come back to my own senses and realize that it is not my job to change lives but it is God’s job. When I was supposed to lay down my burdens at the feet of Jesus, I was trying to carry the burdens by myself. I’ve learned that as servants of God, we need to completely surrender ourselves to God and let God do the all the work. My job as a pastor is not to change lives or convert people, that’s God job not mine. My job is to direct people to see Jesus and lead them to Jesus. Once I realized that concept, my burden became so light.

Being a female pastor is very unique. Many people say women are not fit for the job, but there are many unique aspects of women that can be used in this ministry. There is nothing that God cannot use. We are all His creatures and vessels to be used to glorify His name. Caring and loving characters of women are very helpful when reaching out to souls. Gender differences are not important when it comes to God’s work because God’s qualification is very simple. God only looks at our hearts. If our heart longs to serve God, then he will use us to do His great works. God is inviting and recruiting many workers to be part of His mission in this world and women are no exception. “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few” (Matthew 10:37). I am inexperienced and I still have a lot to learn but as long as I’m connected with God, He will continually use me to do good works. I truly believe that working as a minister is such a blessing. I would not trade my job with any other jobs in this world. God has great plans for each one of us and we are to work together with God to fulfill His plans. I pray that if anyone feels you’ve been called to work as His servant, don’t hesitate to accept the calling because the best way to live your lives in this world is to live your lives fulfilling God’s plans for you. All I can say is that if someone like me can do it anyone can do it.

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