The Creator’s Heart
Did you ever have a pet die? Chances are, someone reading this has. It’s not an uncommon thing. Pets die everyday. But, this fact doesn’t make the loss any easier on those who grieve and miss the joy and love they had with their beloved animal friend.
My family lost our cat Purrberry on January 11, 2022. She was old. She lived a good, long 18 years and change, mostly indoors. That’s between the equivalent of 88 and 92 human years for those counting. My parents and I welcomed her into our home because my brother was moving far away and had to leave her behind. The past 6 years we got to know Purrberry, she was nothing but a joy to have around.
When she first arrived at our home, she avoided us for a week. We set out the food, water and bed but she wouldn’t go near it. Seems like normal behavior for anyone or anything when they are relocated and placed in a strange environment with strange humans, and you have no choice or say in it. It’s safe to say she didn’t trust us yet. She’d hide under the sofa or the desk, anywhere where it was dark or hidden from our sight. Sometimes we’d wake up and look for her but wouldn’t know where she was. However, her food bowl would be less full and the water bowl empty, so it was a good sign that she was at least comfortable eating and drinking when we weren’t around.
A week or two later, she began to show herself around us, but still kept her distance. She was comfortable laying on the stairs and floor, but whenever we approached she would meow but it would sound like an unpleasant cry. If we got closer she would hiss, and if we tried to touch her she’d even swipe her paws at us. She’d be laying on the stairs and my dad going down on his way to work. would scold her for being in the way, and then as he tried to step over her, she’d swipe her paw at him. I found this scenario funny because my dad is so much bigger and stronger than a 9lb cat. But, she did this to all of us. No one wanted to really mess with her and suffer being clawed. To be fair, she was probably just trying to defend herself.
I’ll never forget the first breakthrough I had with Purrberry. For weeks I’d been trying to befriend her, making sure to fill her food and water, talking to her in “meows,” I could tell she was warming up to me, but not as fast as I wanted. I definitely got discouraged and I didn’t like her for not listening, when I wanted her to. I heard it said cats are selfish and they just want to be left alone and I started to believe that was true. But I was reminded that the Bible tells us animals didn’t sin, it was only humans that did. Animals that God created are victims, if I may say. Victims to the suffering and sorrow that entered the world through the disobedience of man.
With this new perspective and talking to God about it, He started changing my mind and heart to stop treating my cat as if she was deserving of discipline for bad behavior; but to be compassionate, knowing she also has to live in this broken world through no fault of her own, and to respect her as not mine, but firstly God’s creature. So instead of trying to bend her to my will, I gave her the space she needed to let her be herself. I don’t remember exactly how it happened, but one quiet afternoon I was sitting on the sofa when she jumped up onto it and with a soft meow walked onto my lap. It was a pleasant surprise. As she laid down, I could feel her warmth and hear her gently purring. We had a moment there. I was satisfied that I’d gained her trust and felt happy.
I think the relationship we have with our animal friend parallels our relationship with God. When we don’t know God, we conclude that he thinks he’s the owner and is trying to harm us. We say he’s selfish and wants to keep His distance from us. We say to him, “I offered you all these sacrifices and gifts, I did everything I was supposed to do, but you don’t even take notice, not even once. And even worse, you take it from me anyway, without me knowing. How am I supposed to feel validated and know I’m doing what you want from me?”
But God answers: My child, I never wanted those things from you. I just want your heart.
When the prophet Nathan reproved David, the king of Israel, for his sin of adultery with one of his close friend’s wife, David wrote a prayer of repentance. It’s found in Psalm 51 and in it are written these words:
“For you do not desire sacrifice,
Or else I would give it;
You do not delight
In burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are
A broken spirit,
A broken and a contrite heart —
These, O God, You will not despise.”
Psalm 51:16, 17.
God doesn’t want our sacrifices because they’re worthless to reconcile our relationship with Him. No matter how hard we try, our works will never save us. God knew this and being a good and righteous Father, He did something that every loving parent would do for their child: He became the Sacrifice for us instead.
Jesus, The Son of God, God Himself came down to this earth and lived a loving and perfectly innocent life, died as a supposed criminal on a cruel cross of the most extreme torture, and resurrected on the third day in victory and power, over sin and death. And God did it for me and for you, He did it for the entire human race, that anyone might be saved when they accept Him with their whole heart as their Saviour and Father.
This is what the inspired apostle Paul wrote: “And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ…For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them…” 2 Corinthians 5:18, 19.
Purrberry was a gift from God, to my family. Through caring for her, she showed me how to be more patient and kind. I loved talking to her even though I couldn’t really decipher her language. I bonded with her, even having the pride and joy of teaching her a trick to give me her paw. Her last days were hard to bear for me, watching her struggle to live. We think she had a stroke and did hear her stumble on the stairs. I felt so much guilt because for no good reason I gave her a hard time the night before trying to change her eating habits and trying to walk her outside even though it was winter. We noticed she had a limp and eventually she gave up eating and drinking. The last night and morning were the hardest, as we were at times in denial and trying our best to save her. In her last hours, we just decided to make her as comfortable as possible. When I woke up in the morning, I went down and saw her in her bed with such a sad and tired face. As I gently pet her across the side of her face, she made a choking sound as if she was letting out her last breath. I came back to her after a short while and I realized then she had fallen into the deep sleep and was now resting peacefully in Jesus.
Even though losing a pet is not the same as losing a human family member or friend, love is love, and the grief is real. The following few days I would have moments and thoughts pop into my mind reminding me of Purrberry. I would find myself coming down the stairs and out of habit look in the direction where she used to sleep. It’s not easy letting go of a loved one. Especially because I know I don’t deserve their love. But when I feel like despairing, I think of how much more it grieves our heavenly Father to lose one of his own, even his one and only Son. I don’t want His death to be in vain, so I choose to live the life He bought for me, in faith and obedience to my Saviour.
Thank God we can find full release in Him. Praise Jesus because He conquered death and the grave for us. Christians have a real hope that one day God will destroy death and pain forever. Those who put their faith in Christ are assured that they will reunite in the new heaven and new earth. I pray that we all will make the choice to be there. I hope that Purrberry will be there too. If I see her, I’ll give her the biggest hug ever. And I know she will do the same for me.
Roy Kim is a member of the Staten Island Korean Seventh-day Adventist Church.