The Long Goodbye
My mother-in-law, Jae Ryon Chung, has always been a fighter, and she still is. As a young woman growing up in post-war Korea, she had to fight for the opportunity to be educated. Despite facing many nay-sayers, she managed to attend Seoul National Law School. However, like many women of her generation, she sacrificed her career, dropping out of law school to support her husband through medical school.
Perhaps her toughest challenge came when my father-in-law was jailed in the army for keeping the Sabbath. With a young daughter to raise and no readily marketable skills, she faced uncertainty about her future. But miraculously, a friend informed her of a job opportunity that had just arisen that day due to a coworker unexpectedly quitting. This opportunity led her to work as a switchboard operator on a US army base right after the Korean War. Whenever she reflects on her past, she recalls how God provided for her in her greatest hour of need, providing a job that seemed to materialize out of nowhere.
Immigrating to America presented a new set of challenges for my mother-in-law. However, her can-do attitude, combined with her ability to understand people, helped her navigate the complexities of starting a new life in a new country. Instead of settling into the comfortable role of a doctor's wife, she sought employment to contribute to her family's income. Despite facing initial rejection when applying for a job at the cafeteria of the psychiatric hospital where my father-in-law worked, she persisted. Initially volunteering her services, she eventually secured a paid position and worked there for 11 years.
When my father-in-law decided to move to New York state for better employment opportunities, my mother-in-law chose not to pursue another job. Nevertheless, she remained industrious, applying her ingenuity and diligence to enhance her home. She undertook tasks beyond simple homemaking, such as finishing the basement and landscaping the house, all without the aid of instructional videos. Whenever I encounter problems requiring creative solutions, I often draw inspiration from my mother-in-law's resourcefulness.
Now, many decades later, my mother-in-law is 95 years old. Years of arduous physical labor have contributed to painful arthritis in her knees, while a late discovery of a hole in her heart valve explains her persistent fatigue. Her disabilities have progressed to the point where she was admitted to hospice care at the end of last year. Witnessing her rapid decline in health has been alarming. Within a few months, she went from using a stool for support while walking (refusing a walker) to being confined to a wheelchair indoors.
Even more distressing are the episodes of erratic heart palpitations that leave her feeling as though she might perish on the spot. Though these incidents typically pass, they are becoming increasingly frequent. While medication can help alleviate her symptoms, often all we can do is offer comfort and support as she endures these episodes. It's heart-wrenching to witness her suffering, as she often expresses a desire for a peaceful passing in her sleep, free from pain.
Each day brings uncertainty regarding my mother-in-law's condition. By all accounts, her time with us is limited. Her diminished appetite and emaciated frame serve as somber reminders of her declining health. Despite the sadness that accompanies witnessing her decline, there is much to be thankful for.
I am grateful that my relationship with my mother-in-law has evolved from one of conflict to one of love and respect. Initially, our interactions were marked by friction, but over time, she has come to trust and depend on me, and I care for her as if she were my own mother. During her episodes of heart palpitations, I offer her my hand and sit with her, providing comfort and solace in her time of need.
I am thankful for the round-the-clock aides who support her and enable her to remain in the familiarity of her home during her final days. The comfort of familiar surroundings cannot be understated. Furthermore, the presence of my father-in-law, who remains by her side, is a tremendous source of strength for her. Their enduring commitment to each other, rooted in faith and love, is truly a blessing.
There are countless blessings in our situation that I cannot enumerate. I am grateful for my mother-in-law's testimony and the faithful life she has lived, which has blessed her family and countless others. Moreover, I am thankful for a God who promises, "Even to your old age, I am He, And even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made, and I will bear; Even I will carry, and will deliver you" (Ezekiel 46:4).