The Passport Photo
Previously published in April 2008
This week I had to get a passport photo for my job. So I Googled “passport photo” and found that CVS, a chain of drugstores, offered the service for $7.99 with “no appointment and no waiting”.
One thing you have to know about me: I hate waiting. I get impatient and
angry, depending on how long I have to wait. Perhaps due to the fact that I’m getting older, I’m not hiding this anger or impatience as much as I used to. It often exhibits itself as mean, nasty and arrogant.
I’ve always been like this. I’m not proud to say or admit this, but I used to have serious temper tantrums till I was about 30 years old. That was just 3 years ago. Though I do have a younger brother, I grew up as if I was an only child, or more embarrassingly, a spoiled child. I had to get what I wanted. If I didn’t get what I wanted, I would get angry for a LONG period of time, like a 3-year-old child but worse. I’ve gotten better, but there are still elements of this in my life today.
So what does my childhood have to do with obtaining a passport photo? A lot!
I got the picture taken at CVS at 5:40 pm. The young lady at the counter told me that the printing should take about 5 minutes, after the customer ahead of me was finished with the photo machine. I told her that I would wait. So I went to the supermarket for about 15 minutes and bought sauerkraut and a movie (Weird, I know, but I was craving it that night.)
To make this long story short, the girl had ample time to get the photos made, plus the machine was available for quite some time. However, she simply chose not to have the pictures ready. I left the store at 6:50 pm, without the photos.
I came home infuriated. In fact that day, I had also been very angry with my contractor for not doing what he needed to do. He only had excuses. In addition, the plumbers needed the framework for the tub and the shower, and the electrician needed the studs to place in the electrical lines. So, the other workers were also without work because the contractor was not available when he promised he would be.
Simply put, I was overwhelmed. First, I’ve never remodeled before, and second, I’ve never dealt with so many men who wanted to make decisions for me. The contractor was the rate-limiting step of the process. And finally, this exasperating incident at CVS sent me over the edge. I was angry, frustrated and tired.
Then I remembered what my friend had told me: Why don’t you pray instead of talking to everyone else? I decided to give it a try. This was my mantra, “Oh God, help me.” I said this many times with much desperation.
Immediately after, this thought came to my mind: Sun-Ah, you’re powerless. I remembered the first step of the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 steps: We admit we’re *powerless* over alcohol -- that our lives have become unmanageable. Similarly, Regeneration’s (the Adventist 12-step program) 1st step is: We admit we’re *powerless* over sin and that our lives are unmanageable. I’ve heard also, that we are powerless over people, places and things. I was powerless over the contractor, plumbers, the remodeling process, etc. . . My life was unmanageable.
At the realization of this powerlessness, I broke down and cried . . . and cried some more. Later that same night, I found these two journal entries that I had written some time ago, like they were letters from God.
I want you to know I’ll be placing you amongst those that are evil, ravenous, dishonest, savage, and unmerciful. When you’re there, people will think of you as dumb and stupid. You’re not. You are to be wise and gentle. Most importantly be of right thinking. Be alert because Satan is waiting to take over you. I will be there for you. Don’t be shaken by the things of the world. Don’t be a scared sheep. Be wise and show mercy.
I read this, and I cried again.
The second entry was written January 2, 2005.
Dear Sunah,
Wait for the promise of the Father (Acts 1:4). I will take care of it all. Wait for me. Listen for me. Watch and pray. It is not for you to know the times or the seasons which the Father hath put in his own power. It is not for you to know the times and seasons of when you are going to school and marry [in this case, how the bathrooms are going to be remodeled]. Don’t worry. Don’t pay any mind. Let go of all those things that cause you wonder and worry. No, don’t get jealous of others who have it all. I’ve got you. I’ve got it covered. The Holy Spirit will come, and all these things that weigh you down will no longer matter. Yes, I’ll take care of you and all those you are concerned about.
After I read this, I sobbed some more.
This is where Step 1, 2 and 3 came in: I can’t, God can, and I’ll let Him. I surrendered and accepted this situation.
After these moments of insight, I was no longer angry, and I no longer wanted to fire the contractor. For I knew things would work out for the best, as promised in Romans 8:28: And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.
I told you this was a healing house. God had freed me from my temper tantrums! Praise God from whom all blessings flow! God's neither finished with this house, nor with me.