The Reluctant Missionary
I was a reluctant missionary. The only reason I decided to join the Compass missionary program, was because I had just broken up with my girlfriend. We were attending the same college, in the same major and I just didn’t want to have to run into her all the time. I just wanted to get away from the situation. It was a bad reason to be a missionary, but honestly that was the motivation to join this program.
The missionary program consisted of 3 months of training, 6 months of domestic service (in Korea), and 3 months of service overseas in the United States. Going to the US was one of the biggest things I was looking forward to, in joining Compass.
After nine long months of training and domestic service, they were finally going to assign us, overseas. I was debating whether I wanted to go to Atlanta, New York, or Los Angeles. Maybe I can do some sightseeing wherever I end up. I should get something out of being in this Compass program.
Imagine my consternation when I found out my assignment—was in Indonesia! And I would have to go alone. Every other missionary ended up in the U.S. for their international portion of their program. The missionaries were divided into three teams and were sent to U.S. I alone, with no other team members, was sent to Indonesia. How cruel and unjust! Were the coordinators trying to make me miserable? Was God punishing me for coming into the program with the wrong motivation?
I immediately went to talk to the coordinators to rectify the situation. I complained that I would like a new assignment, to include me in one of the teams going to America. They explained that they would like to include other countries for their international program, and that they wanted me to pioneer the new overseas region. They chose me as the special missionary that was going to forge a new path for Compass overseas missions. Well, when they put it that way, I was kind of flattered and agreed to go to Indonesia.
I knew Indonesia was not going to be as developed as the US, but I was not prepared for how bad it was going to be. It was bad enough I was stuck in Indonesia, but I was sent to a remote countryside of Indonesia. There were no running water, clean toilets, good food, nor a comfortable place to sleep. Even getting to places was a hassle, sometimes having to drive for 50 hours straight on uneven roads. Many times, I slept in a car, sometimes because I was traveling for so long, and at other times, to get away from the buzzing and biting mosquitoes.
I was miserable! I never really appreciated my fellow missionaries back in Korea, but when I had to suffer these hardships by myself, I really missed their input, support, and prayers. How was I supposed to figure out how to minister to these foreigners? How I wished I could have counsel from others. I was alone, and I had no idea how to do “ministry.”
But praise God that despite my circumstances, my poor attitude, my bad motivations, God slowly changed my attitude and my heart. Every negative situation turned out to be a blessing! While I missed being on a team, working alone helped me to put my total trust in God. I really had to walk by faith, when I planned a revival meeting, preached in English (I didn’t even have a translator), and then give Bible studies to interested people, afterwards. God stretched me and grew me in ways that I could not have imagined. I experienced God in a powerful way, because He alone was the one who was guiding me and helping me.
Even when I realized that God was doing special things through me, there were still a lot of challenges. I had to somehow be my own marketing team and drum up attendance for my revival meetings. On one occasion, I had to do a program for children. How was I going to get Indonesian children to come to church? I’ve never even done that in Korea! But after praying about it, I was inspired to go the schools and talk to the children. I promised them something really interesting and fun was going to happen, if they came to church on Saturdays.
At first, only a few came, but after a while, I had thirty students coming to church every Saturday! Praise God! And they were actually listening to me. It was so hard to teach them about God and His inspired Word, but the most frustrating part was when I was getting to important points, there would be loud Muslim prayers blasted through speakers. But God is good—the students were attentive, even through these interruptions.
There was one student that was particularly a rascal. He would not stay still, to listen to my lessons. I had to take so much time to quiet him down. How I wished that I could get this guy out of my hair. Why didn’t he just go away? It was hard enough to teach Bible lessons to the interested, good kids. I was really frustrated. But as they say, you should be careful what you wish for. One Sabbath, he didn’t show up. I was so happy! Next Sabbath, and the following, he didn’t come back. But after the elation of not having to deal with his bad behavior, I came to a sobering realization. Was I any better than that kid? I had a bad attitude coming into this Compass missionary program. Did I deserve any grace? Certainly not, but God was so good to me. He was not only healing me, but he was using me as an instrument of blessing, to be a teacher of God’s mercies to these precious souls. I felt ashamed of myself for my bad attitude, and got an insight into how God sees me. How great it felt that God was merciful and gracious, not like me.
The funny thing is, no one from the Compass missionary program has been sent to any other country except the U.S. since then. I was the only exception in the history of the entire program. It seems like God had prepared this Indonesia mission trip just for me. I thought I was serving God in Indonesia, but God was serving me! God is good!
If anyone asks me when I felt the presence of God the most, without hesitation I would point to my time as a missionary to Indonesia. In spite of myself, I was being used by God to spread the gospel. I felt unworthy, but I also felt honored and humbled to be used in this way. How good God is!