Walking in Love
Last weekend I attended my cousin’s wedding. Love was in the air - there was an atmosphere of warm and fuzzy feelings. I couldn’t help but shed a few tears as I watched my cousin walk down the aisle. I think I felt my little Grinch heart grow three sizes that day. As a newlywed myself, it made me reflect on my own marriage and the things I’ve learned in the past few months. I don’t have much wisdom or experience to impart—yet—but there is one thing I’ve learned: nobody likes being wrong. What else can sting our pride like that? But if there’s anything harder than being wrong, it’s being right—and losing. And for some reason, it’s surprisingly easy to lose arguments when you’re right…
Although the context is not about arguing with your wife, there’s a passage in the Bible I’ve been studying that sheds some light on this topic. As Christians, how should we handle our disagreements with others, especially when we know we’re right? Let’s turn to Romans 14 to find out:
“Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters. One person’s faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables.” Romans 14:1-2
The point here isn’t that it’s bad to be a vegetarian—Paul is not trying to contradict the health message. The issue is with meat that had been offered to idols. Some Christians felt very strongly that meat which had been offered to idols was unclean, and that eating it would defile them. Since it was impossible to know what had or hadn’t been offered to idols, these Christians solved the issue by avoiding meat entirely. Hence, their decision to eat only vegetables.
On the other hand, Paul knew that it was perfectly acceptable to eat the meat. He reasoned that since there is only one true God, the idols are nothing. Other gods aren’t real, so the idols are basically just statues. And who cares if your food has been dedicated to a piece of wood or a hunk of marble? It doesn’t taint the food, God doesn’t care, and therefore you should be able to eat and enjoy your meat with a clear conscience. That was Paul’s inspired take on the issue (you can read more about this in 1 Corinthians 8).
Well, if Paul the apostle says so, then doesn’t that make those who eat the meat, right? And those who eat only vegetables are clearly wrong! Shouldn’t that solve the disagreement? Everyone can eat meat and be happy! Well, it’s not so simple. Interestingly, Paul concludes that he will never again eat meat, despite his stance that the meat is clean and perfectly okay to eat.
He says, “I know and am convinced by the Lord Jesus that there is nothing unclean of itself; but to him who considers anything to be unclean, to him it is unclean. Yet if your brother is grieved because of your food, you are no longer walking in love. Do not destroy with your food the one for whom Christ died. Romans 14:14-15 ” Even though he knows he’s right about this issue, there’s something more important to Paul than being right. He calls it “walking in love.” His highest priority regarding his fellow believers is not to set them straight, but rather to ensure that he is doing everything he can to build up their faith and to avoid doing anything that might make them stumble. He is willing to sacrifice his own “right” to eat meat, because he is aware that eating it might be a stumbling block to those who believe it is a sin—even though he knows their belief is wrong!
There is a big lesson here for us. These days, you can have your pick of polarizing topics to debate over. You don’t even have to confront anyone in person, you can just hop on social media and engage in heated arguments from the comfort of your own home. I hope that you, dear reader, have never stooped to name calling and the like. But even if we are above such uncouthness, are we that different? We can be so quick to defend our own side and attack the other. And in doing so, usually our only concern is whether or not we’re right. But is that really the main thing we should be concerned about, as Christians?
There may be times when you feel very strongly that you are right. In Paul’s case, he knew and was convinced by the Lord Jesus that he was! But proving that you’re right, and insisting on your own way, or that everyone else agrees with you, is not the spirit of Christ. The one thing that distinguishes us as followers of Christ is the love we have for one another. I’m not saying that being right and being loving are mutually exclusive. Of course, Jesus was always right. If there was anyone who had the right to correct others, it was Jesus. And He did do it at times. But Jesus never indulged in a sense of pride at being right. When He rebuked the Pharisees, He did it with tears in His voice. It was purely to correct them for their own sakes, not to vindicate Himself.
Sister White wrote that before we rebuke someone, we need to be willing to die for them. The next time you’re about to argue with someone, ask yourself, “Do I really love this person? Am I saying this because it will edify them, or because it will make me feel better?” If you honestly apply this standard to yourself, the chances are you’ll find that you’re actually the one in need of correction—not for your stance, but for your spirit.
Hopefully this isn’t a wishy-washy message about not having your own convictions, and compromising to be a people pleaser. That is not what Jesus was like. Never once did He compromise with or condone sin. And neither should we. That is not the point here. On the contrary, we need to stick to our principles. Men are needed who are as true to duty as the needle to the pole, who will stand for the right though the heavens fall.
The Bible never teaches us to sacrifice principle for the sake of peace. But it does call us to sacrifice our pride, our rights, and even our lives when it comes to loving others. Applying this may lead to a paradigm shift in the way you disagree with people. Instead of just thinking, “how do I feel about this,” why don’t we ask ourselves what it would look like to walk in love. Sometimes it means not retorting (remember, a soft answer turns away wrath). Other times, it may mean lovingly correcting someone even though it’s very uncomfortable and you’d rather ignore the issue. There is no set formula. But whether we’re rebuking or refraining, our goal is Christlikeness. Our calling is to walk in love.
In 2014, God rescued Christian out of the pit of addiction and folly when he was in his second year at university. After experiencing such powerful miracles, Christian was finally ready to accept Jesus Christ as his personal Savior and to follow Him day by day. And life has never been better since! Currently, Christian is finding joy and purpose as a youth pastor for the Dallas Fort Worth Korean church, a theology student at Southwestern, and a husband to his lovely wife, Esther.