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Where Can I Find My Soul Mate?

Where can I find my soul mate?

The easy answer would be at church! But there are no easy answers in life. I can understand your concerns with this question because divorce rates are at all time highs, and that includes Christian Adventists as well. I recently read a news article that stated infidelity among married couples is higher among Christians as compared to other religions, such as Hindus, Muslims and Buddhists. Finding your mate is one of the most important events in your life, so much thought and prayer must go into this.

Now notice that I use the word “mate” as oppose to “soul mate,” because this concept is not biblical. The idea of a soul mate is a cultural phrase that books, tv and movies perpetrate to make money. The idea of one person out there who is your other half, who God created/destined for you is unfortunately a secular idea that Christians have idealized. You will not find this phrase in the bible. You are an individual with your own relationship with God, and to think that God created a person “JUST FOR YOU” to bless you, make you happy, etc – is pretty self-centered and narcissistic – which is not who a child of God is.

So am I saying give up and marry anyone? No, use your brain. God gave you intelligence, a spiritual support group, eyes and emotions. Meaning, you need to be active in this search and eventual relationship. You can’t meet someone, sit back and think both of you will be happy (which meeting a soul mate guarantees). You will need to be actively involved in learning about your mate, grow together and create your own “soul mate.” That’s right, after years of togetherness, you will realize your experiences together, your emotional bonding, have made you so close, that the person really turned out to be your “soul mate.”

For those of you who thought a soul mate, meant happily after ever, let me give you an example of why marriage is a continual labor of love (takes work, but no one likes to hear the word “work”) that needs God’s participation. Marriage was instituted by God, who performed the first wedding in Eden. God literally brought Eve to Adam, and said, “Here you go, she’s the one for you.” And they did love. But when hard times came, they turned on one another. We can see the breakdown of their relationship by their fruits: Cain and Abel. Their son killed their other son. Talk about a dysfunctional family. Or Rebekah and Isaac—Rebekah was an answer to a prayer. And they did love; Isaac found comfort in their marriage. But somewhere along the line things got so bad that, Rebekah encourages her son to lie to her husband, their sons turn on each other and their family unit broke apart. You need to understand that a happy marriage doesn’t happen after the wedding reception, it’s an active involvement from both parties that agree to live by the principles of God – love and unselfishness.

Now that you understand what you’re heading for, I will answer this question, which is a little broad, and polysemant (having multiple meanings). I’ll address this question from the approach of “How” in order to direct the “Where?”

When asking the question of “how to find my mate?” the passage in 2 Corinthians 6 comes to mind. The apostle Paul states “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” (NKJV). Paul is essentially warning us to be holy in all of our relationships, especially marriage. The visual image is of two oxen plowing a field. The yoke keeps them together in order so that the field will have straight and uniform lines. The yoke keeps two separate beasts of the field to plow in the same “direction” and the same “pace.”

In order to have a happy and holy marriage, you must first discover your direction and your pace. Ask yourself, where do I want to be in life? Or where is God leading me? What are my core values, my non-negotiables? How do I want to live my life? Because God has created everyone with unique qualities and talents, we are all different. But we can have similar goals and lifestyles as others, and a happy union will consist of two very different people who share the same goals and values in life. Once your life path is considered and decided upon, your search can be narrowed and refined.

Thus said, finding your mate can occur at anytime and anyplace. As you set your path in life, “the one” may materialize in your home church, your school, workplace, mission field or at Starbucks. Being introduced by friends may be a “softer” version of introduction via parents, but when receiving an introduction, think about who is introducing you, and make sure they know the other person well. Make sure the person introducing you has your best interests in mind and is prayerfully considering people and not just finding the next single person that walks in their peripheral vision. Don’t be afraid to ask for details because all of those little things matter in life.

If you have deemed yourself ready to go fishing, in other words, you have prepared your life to a mature stage in the areas of spirituality, education, finance, personal relationships and mental health, than you may be ready to consider marriage. In her book “Letters to Young Lovers,” Ellen White notes that those who are considering marriage “should pray four times a day when such a step is anticipated.” I highly recommend this book to anyone considering marriage! Ask God to humble you and prepare you. Let’s turn to the originator of the holy union and seek wisdom through daily prayer. Pray, pray, pray!


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